Social standards modulate life of every personality. Standards are dynamic and they may be called the foundations of the basic rules that society lives by. The patterns of life change with generations and the steps one has to make in his life have become “shorter”. This implies the age when people get married. Young people consider themselves to be mature enough to participate in such areas of life as marriage. It is the age that plays a great role in making important decisions. The consequences may be not pleasant and they affect people on the psychological level. The ways of balancing marriage and school are discussed in this paper.
Scientist study the phenomenon of early marriages and the pressure people have while they are still in school. Stephanie Steinberg gives the information that “The average national age of marriage is 28, according to the National Center for Educational Statistics” (Steinberg, 2008). This is the optimal age for building a family. Nevertheless, young people marry before the graduation. As a rule, they do not have own houses, cars, money, but with the support of parents it is possible for a small family to survive.
According to psychologists, school is a period to experience first love, first disappointments that help to grow up. Students believe that early marriages are dreams that come true. The illusions of childish hopes go away with time, because such marriage “usually means giving up comforts, convenience, personal freedom, and sometimes educational opportunities. It also demands taking on responsibilities that most people are not ready to accept. For these reasons, a high proportion of marriages between people who are from 15 to 19 years old in divorce or separation” (Tsumura, 1984). It is a modern tendency of last decades that shows the increasing of numbers of marriages between people which are still in school. There are many reasons for people to get married young. Some do not understand the responsibility that comes with marriage, other believe that the true love they feel towards each other will help them to make it work. It does not matter why, but it is significant to find out how to balance school and marriage.
The possibilities of having successful marriages are divided into a few groups according to particular situations and are listed as follows:
- Social interaction: problems with developing of relations may be avoided by showing an interest in husband’s or wife's activities, an emotional response and help in difficult situations.
- Communication: high and developed level of understanding each other; skill of listening to a partner are important.
- Activities that are interesting for both: not stereotyped activities.
- Making schedules with free time that is devoted specially for studding.
The psychological condition of marriages can be also characterized by parents. As Carl Jung says: “the children are driven unconsciously in a direction that is intended to compensate for everything that was left unfulfilled in the lives of their parents” (Jung). This may explain the reasons that are hidden by consciousness. Social control does not stop students, nor does factor of risk of non-graduation. These aspects influence badly on the psychological health. Constant stresses, anxiety, worries lead to depression and sometimes to suicides. This state is provoked by loosing the emotional freedom.
The essay moves deeper into a discourse about atypical marriage between young people. To achieve a compromise between school and marriage, one must have stable priorities and a flexible position in a situation of argument. It will help to avoid conflicts and develop an ability to understand a partner. In psychology this ability is known as the theory of mind. It gives a personality an opportunity to build the model of consciousness of another person in order to understand different motives of behavior and various feelings. Feelings and emotions rule the way people behave. According to Freud, feelings have more control upon people that it is used to think. One of the basic emotions is fear and it definitely takes place in marriages. People are afraid of loosing the feelings they have and changes in the future, so they try to save what they have by getting married.
Focus on the future is the main issue of the problem of balancing school and marriage. It is hard to manipulate with time so that one could study and fulfill the duties of a married personality. Young people are not ready to sacrifice their own interests and personal freedom. The ego prevents from thinking rationally that leads to fear and other emotional responses to the threat of being a prisoner of marriage. The feeling of frustration is a psychological state that is common for married people. It destroys the foundation of happy union. One must understand that he or she has to share life with others. The problems of time and freedom are not all on the list of reasons that explain the failure of these marriages. Psychologists believe that during the years in school one faces all his possible complexes. In the case, when a person does not deal with complexes, they can grow into illnesses, hysterics, panic attacks. These are difficulties of young marriages that face more problems than adults have. This high coast has its bright sides. People that have spent time together since school have the same age problems and can deal with them together. This makes the connections between them stringer. There is an opinion according to which Mark Regnerus, an associate professor of sociology at the University of Texas at Austin and author of "Premarital Sex in America", explained that married college students are forced to "grow up pretty quickly” (Steinberg, 2011). School students do grow up quickly as well.
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The issue under analysis is a problem that is actual. Balancing school and marriage is illustrated in cinematography. The popular film “Twilight”, that is an adaptation of the book of Stephanie Meyer, touches this questions. There is an episode in the movie that shows the public opinion on this subject: “So, you think Bella's gonna be showing?”
“Jess, she is not pregnant!”
“Okay. Who else gets married at 18?” (Gordon, 2011).
People do not trust feelings and try to prevent getting marriage young, but love in students heart conquers all the prejudice. With respect to each other and understanding, young people can build a strong family and successfully graduate without any harm to the health and future.
In conclusion we may illustrate the stages of balancing marriage and school on the example of five stages of death. It is similar to situations when young married couples have problems. According to the list:
- Denial – married people try to ignore the problem (bad results of the test or an argument).
- Anger – emotional reaction is anger, scream that leads to breaking of the couple.
- Bargaining – people try to find a compromise.
- Depression – in various cases when the compromise does not work for a couple.
- Acceptance – finding the solution of the problem. The last stage that shows the readiness to be in a marriage.
Unfortunately, not all married student can balance on the level of acceptance of the problem. It requires experience and understanding. Psychologists agree that it is not impossible. Problems are the reflection of inner states that develop the sense of embracing the responsibilities, and that is what such marriages are about.